Mini Review Set: 11/19/2009

Twilight: New Moon

Running Time: Just over two hours
MPAA Rating: PG-13

The starry-eyed sparkle fest that was "Twilight" is improved a dozen times over by the absence of its mopey lead vampire. This story follows protagonist Bella as she finds new love in the companionship of her old friend Jacob (who reveals himself to be yet another mythological monster) to replace her old flame (popsicle, to be accurate) Edward. The writing is as cheesy as ever, but the efforts of incoming director Chris Weitz make it work as well as possible. Fans of the series will be pleased and newcomers may enjoy the supernatural action much more than expected.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Running Time: Just under two hours
MPAA Rating: R

Claireece "Precious" Jones is a morbidly obese 16-year-old high school girl who lives in 1987 Harlem. She is illiterate, forced to labor over her abusive mother, and is pregnant with her second child as a result of being raped by her disgusting father. It's safe to say that this is not a feel-good movie. The story follows Precious's attempts to receive an education while caring for her children and finding love in a world that has shown her nothing but unconditional hatred. Saying that it is emotionally powerful would be an understatement, but sometimes the most shocking moments are transitioned into darkly humorous fantasies too quickly for any impact to be made on the audience. If you can handle such a dark tale, then "Precious" is a must-see for an engrossing look into a young girl’s search for hope in a hopeless world.

The Blind Side

Running Time: Just over two hours
MPAA Rating: PG-13

This part biography, part sports movie handles itself surprisingly well. Sandra Bullock pulls herself together nicely (after a series of critical flops) to play the compassionate adoptive mother of future football star Michael Oher. There are an excessive number of tearjerker moments relating to Oher’s poverty-stricken childhood, but they are done well enough to make you care about the characters rather than feeling like exploitive gimmicks. The plot revolves around an inspiring act of Christian charity that will work for audiences of all tastes; sports fans or not.

2012

Running Time: Two hours and forty minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Many will argue that this movie delivers exactly what was promised in its advertising, but knowing that a movie will be bad does not excuse the fact. Special effect technology has improved since Roland Emmerich’s previous movies (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow), but his writing has become steadily worse with each new entry into the disaster movie genre. If you’re looking for several hours of eye candy and don’t much care what the characters have to say or think, then this is the movie for you.

This Is It

Running Time: An hour and a half
MPAA Rating: PG

Michael Jackson’s swan song was caught on tape before his untimely death last June. This film is made up entirely of rehearsals from his preparation for the highly anticipated “This Is It” concert tour. The footage was caught using a variety of cameras with varying quality (it was never meant to be anything but posterity). While Jackson’s performances are up to standards, the necessary planning process often interrupts them, which, while potentially engaging to fans of Jackson or those with an interest in the production of live music, will be just plain boring to most people. This is a movie that would not have been made had it not been for the performer’s death, so my recommendation is to skip it unless you’re significantly drawn to his work.

A Christmas Carol

Running Time: Just over an hour and a half

MPAA Rating: PG


Everybody knows the story of “A Christmas Carol”, or at least they think they do. A wealthy old miser named “Scrooge” is tormented by three Christmas spirits and a deceased associate in order to change his outlook on life for the better. The plot of Dickens’s classic novel has become iconic to today’s audience through years of other franchises adapting their characters into the plot. The quality of these retellings has had a fantastic range; from staying fairly true to the original (such as “Scrooge” in 1951 and the Oscar-winning animated version in 1971), to making silly updates (“The Muppet Christmas Carol” and “Mickey’s Christmas Carol”, both of which were also made by Disney), to complete bastardizations (“An American Carol”, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”, and countless more). To say the least, the very point of the book has been lost over the years, and nobody in recent decades has thought to simply stay true to the original material until now.

The film keeps its source’s dialogue resolutely intact. While this may please literature aficionados, it will bore the life out of the children to whom the movie was marketed. The indecision about which it was made for is blaringly apparent among moments of cartoonish giddiness, disturbing scenes of rotted corpses, and cheap “jump” scares all interspersed with the original Victorian language. In fact, the only entertainment that the average child would get during the entire show comes from added sight gags or characters that give lines in exaggeratedly silly voices, gimmicks that will alienate anybody looking to enjoy the classic story.

The out of place children’s comedy shtick isn’t the only thing working against “A Christmas Carol”, however. Many problems arise from director Robert Zemeckis’s signature performance capture animation technique (a style that he used on “The Polar Express”, “Beowulf”, and the upcoming remake of “Yellow Submarine”). There is a phenomenon that affects this type of film known as “uncanny valley”, which happens when people recognize nonhuman beings (such as robots and CGI animations) that pretend to be human and, as a result, are repulsed. The characters in the movie are unable to produce any believable emotion which causes a complete disconnect with the audience and leaves the actors only their voices to convincingly portray their characters.

Much like the “Harry Potter” movies, an all-star cast is used to cover even minor roles. Of course, many of the stars in this film have at least two or three characters to their name, Jim Carrey topping the bill by playing all three ghosts as well as Ebenezer Scrooge. While this may seem to be a cool idea in theory, it is absolutely pointless and only deepens the problems that are already present. It must have been difficult enough for the actors to respond to lines that have been given days or weeks ago (the scattered voice acting shows with a fervor), but dialogue between them and themselves in another personality is extremely difficult and is not done very naturally or believably at all in this case.

“A Christmas Carol” was a very influential book in its time. It helped to solidify Dickens’s legacy and even had a remarkable impact on the modern concepts of charity and redemption at Christmastime. This movie, unfortunately, carries none of that weight and instead serves as an over-stylized attempt to cash in on the season. The dialogue is simply an afterthought that is used to make way for more visual gimmicks and 3D spectacles. The performance capture animation should have been done away with in favor of live-action, as the technology has shown no significant improvement from its previous uses. In the end, if you’d like to know the timeless story then pass on this film and hear the classic literature call “know me better, man!”

Paranormal Activity

Running Time: An hour and a half

MPAA Rating: R

Micah has just found out that Katie, his long-time girlfriend, is being haunted. She's been followed by a disturbing presence since she was young, and it appears to loathe anybody who gets too involved in her life. This happens to be a serious relationship hurdle for Micah to deal with, and he feels that he must do something to fix the situation. So, he decides that he'll attempt to catch the haunt on film.

There is a common theme in horror movies in which the main characters ignore advice that turns out to be vital to their survival. Micah and Katie are warned by a psychic in the beginning of the film that whatever force they are living with feeds and grows off of negative energy. All they must do to keep the being at bay is to ignore it and remain content with each other. Bringing a camera into the mix doesn’t help either of those things.

The movie incorporates a steady buildup, but is well worth its time for the lasting scare it provides. Having been made to look like uncovered footage, there are no musical cues or ominous tonalities. In avoiding most of the common horror mainstays, Paranormal Activity denies cheap scares and uses another method: to frighten the audience members by disturbing them at an ethereal level. Fear is induced through subtle, unnatural oddities rather than the more common “jump” moments in today’s thrillers. Because of this unique method, the film will affect many of its viewers differently.

Believers in actual demons, ghosts, ghouls and such may want to shy away in respect of the supernatural nature of the plot. While many people have reported having nightmares (if they were able to sleep at all) after seeing this movie, more fantastical claims of actual hauntings have also been made. Steven Spielberg is even said to have returned a home copy to the studio in a garbage bag after believing it to have permeated ghosts into his home.

Oren Peli has created a very inspired work from his own paranormal experiences, and the genuineness shows itself off in his writing and direction. The expected screams and ramblings of most characters in these types of situation are replaced with tears and arguments over responsibility for the events. Peli writes the characters into an inescapable situation, but it is their arrogance and pride that ultimately worsen it. Both of the main actors (who use their real names in the film) do a great job of emoting their fright without exaggerating it, lending visceral honesty to their reactions.

Even though a good amount of information surrounding the phenomenal situation in the film is revealed by the end, there is just enough mystery left keep it strange and terrifying. Those intent on getting sleep after seeing Paranormal Activity have been warned.


Actual Rating: PG-13 While anybody who happens to be afraid of supernatural forces is probably too young (at any age) to see this movie; there is no actual adult material in it beyond “foul” language.

For updates regarding future movie reviews and the other shenanigans I get into, follow my page at http://twitter.com/ross667 you lovely person, you.

Where The Wild Things Are

Running Time: An hour and a half

MPAA Rating: PG

Max is angry. He is imaginative and rambunctious, but he has no control. He knows that, like the sun, one day his energy will run out and he'll fade away. These are difficult thoughts for a young boy who already has the dilemmas of his age to deal with. Many people learn to cope with life's troubles in their own way, and Max does so by becoming a wild thing.

The movie adds some unique elements to the original Maurice Sendak storybook. Max's behavior is given a cause and his trip into the land of the wild things is given a purpose. Each of the creatures has a unique personality derived from Max’s experiences with people in his homeland. Carol (played by James Gandolfini), whose anarchic and misunderstood nature Max immediately identifies with, specifically seems to provide the boy a means for coming to terms with the father now missing from his life.

What really brings this film to life is the music. Written by Karen O (of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs), the songs provide a youthful vigor that complements the action on screen. It was built from scratch for the movie and great use within each context shows. Energetic tracks filled with wild instrumentation and playground yells lend credence to the playful scenes in the movie, and Karen O’s soft vocals fit in perfectly with the sentimental points.

Book purists won't be pleased to learn the extent of added material, of course, but may find comfort in the heavy involvement of the original author in the making of this film. Spike Jonze was specifically given the permission of the author, who had previously seen and highly regarded his work. Although this film does take much of the mystery and imagination out of the hands of the viewer, Sendak has given his personal approval of the interpretation after viewing the final product.

In the end, this movie wasn't quite what it could have been. It loses some of its steam toward the middle, when certain scenes feel as though they've been drawn out as long as possible to give the movie a bump to above the acceptable hour and a half mark. There are more shaky-cam running scenes in the film than an episode of "24", which could have easily become redundant and intolerable had it not been for the expressive and enthralling soundtrack. Fortunately, the movie manages to work as presented, and members of the audience may be inspired to search out the wild things within themselves once more.

The easily queasy should be warned; much of this movie is shot by handheld camera, leading to what has become known as the "shaky-cam" effect. This can work out of some viewers' favor, but shouldn't provide a problem for the majority of audience members.

Post-Credits Scene: No

For updates on upcoming movie reviews and some occasional insight into my not-entirely-bleary life, you may follow my twitter account at http://twitter.com/ross667

Jennifer's Body

Running Time: An hour and 45 minutes

MPAA Rating: R


Megan Fox is an evil, soulless succubus. In this movie she plays Jennifer, a relatively satirical version of herself as a high-school cheerleader turned satanic demon. Needless to say, the casting directors didn’t need to look for an actress with a lot of range. Jennifer’s body is sacrificed to the devil as a virgin (ahem) sacrifice by an indie band trying to gain fame and fortune. Plans go awry when the whole “virgin” part gets overlooked, and Jennifer becomes doomed to feed off of human flesh for eternity. She finds hormonal boys to be the easiest targets, and a string of murders begins to overtake the small town of Devil’s Kettle; the culprit unknown to anybody but Jennifer’s best friend: “Needy”.

The horror genre is satirized by one of its own here, a bit like the “Scream” movies of last decade. High school stereotypes are ever present; Goths and quarterbacks all try to date Jennifer, and all have their souls consumed indiscriminately, class memorials are interrupted by Jennifer’s unsubtle apathy, and sexual tension is paid off with one of the longest lesbian kissing scenes in mainstream movie history. The movie does follow the annoying trend of having college graduate-aged adults playing high school kids, but unlike other films that use this gimmick, Jennifer’s Body doesn’t drive that point home at every opportunity.

Diablo Cody wrote this movie, and the premise of a horror film written by the author of “Juno” shows very much. Quirky lines and obscure references are mainstays of Cody’s writing and are delivered in even the most dire of situations. I’d like to emphasize that last point as by “dire situations” I mean people will give off-the-wall comments even while missing half of their neck. The abundance of these quips tends to throw off the balance between horror and comedy in humor’s favor, and can leave those expecting a scary movie still wanting satisfaction.

The humor in the writing is fantastic, but many of the actors frequently and unfortunately misfire their lines. Some of the actors, such as Amanda Seyfried and Adam Brody are completely immune to this phenomenon, but others, especially Johnny Simmons, seem to flub every joke. It is one of the most terrible things that can happen to a comedy when an actor doesn’t understand what is funny about what they are saying. The problem could likely have been avoided with a little more discretion in the casting department.

The movie provides closure to the story, but the ending turns out somewhat clunky as a result. There were at least five times in the last five minutes when I was expecting the movie to cut to black and roll the credits, leaving space for a sequel. However, all loose ends are tied up and the show proves to be a standalone picture. Jennifer’s Body is much better than most scary movies that come out nowadays, and more original to boot. The fact that it works so well as comedy only sweetens the deal and, in the end, most of the audience will be left with a satisfying movie experience.

The Informant!

Running Time: An hour and 45 minutes

MPAA Rating: R

Mark Whitacre is a man compelled by his vices. On top of hard work and a positive attitude, he extorts, lies, and steals to reach the top of the corporate ladder. The path to professional success seems to be laid out for him when he learns information that could incriminate the whole of his superiors at Archer Daniels Midland, leaving their management positions open for his taking. However, when the FBI becomes involved, Mark’s greedy and compulsive behavior threatens to destroy what was one of the most famous investigations of the 1990s and the largest corporate whistleblower case in history.

The Informant tries to pass itself off as a comedy, but most of the laughs stem from his narrated idle thoughts and the film’s oddly upbeat music selection. Without these playful additions, the movie could have been a pretty straightforward historical drama. “Historical” is used loosely, of course, but skewed and added details are to be expected from any movie that claims itself to be “based on a true story”.

The plot can become a bit muddled to the audience as we are as oblivious to what is fact or fib as the people onscreen. While sometimes confusing, it can often be amusing when the characters’ baffled and incredulous reactions to Mark’s behavior mirror our own.

The movie drags on a bit around the epilogue, but is, overall, enjoyable. It is a must-see for people who either followed the case or read the book from which this movie was adapted, but those who don’t fall into either of those categories will find that the world will go on just the same if The Informant is skipped over.

Actual Rating: PG-13

There is no violence, no sex, no drugs, not even any rock & roll. This movie caught an R rating from the MPAA simply because it used “the f-word” a few more times than what is allotted to a PG-13 movie.

9

Running Time: An hour and a half

MPAA Rating: PG-13


What do you do after years of independent work on a heartfelt short film wins you prestigious awards and international popularity? Monetize it, of course! Exploit every cent out of your creation by adding an hour of explosions and unnecessary characters, cheesy one-liners for the kids, and slapping a famous director’s name on the final product. At least that seems to be the thought process of writer/director Shane Acker in his extended remake of the 2005 film.

The story follows a group of sentient ragdolls ("steampunks") surviving robot attacks in a post-apocalyptic alternate-universe world war 2-ish era. Film can be a helluva drug, people. After being given life by a man trying to encapsulate the spirit of the human race by dividing his soul into nine dolls, they avoid going on the stereotypical killing spree that seems to happen in every other “bring weird stuff to life using voodoo” film. Instead, they focus their efforts on trying to survive against the maniacal, mechanical beings that have already wiped out humanity.

The film's most egregious offense is that it feels like it was written by a Hot Topic focus group. Is it really possible to be a social outcast if every other living thing on the planet is as well? Leadership and military figures are demonized with a harsh emphasis on religion. The overbearing self-declared leader of the group dresses like a pope and operates from a church while apathetically dismissing attempts to save steampunk lives.

Most characters in the film show all the depth of a kiddie pool and only serve to move the plot along. The lack of real emotion conveyed by the puppets tends to cause indifference to the casualties of war. Parts that made the original "9" special are copied and pasted into this, but lose much of their impact because of the extra baggage.

9 falls short of it's potential by being a longer adaptation of the original, rather than an artistic expansion. It poses as a Tim Burton movie by following the trends that Burton created. To save your time and money, the wise choice here is to just watch the original.

Actual Rating: PG
Anybody who has seen a PG-13 rated movie this decade will understand that an unmarked body and mild, offscreen violence can hardly be considered traumatizing in comparison.